11/14/11

I haven't posted on this page in too long. Life caught up with me, and I have been so clouded in the darkness of it, I haven't had time to spill out into writing the secret places that are colored against my skull. I have certainly gone through enough to find inspiration. Aging means growing more and more tired of doing things. Youth is having the vigor to continue to move, to act, to grow... It is about time I find some of my youth again.

One thing thing I have found with time though is self confidence, and what a wonderful thing to have equiped in life. I no longer need others in my life, but merely have them there because I want them to be. I find that other women my age are also discovering this about themselves, and it only leaves me to ask why? Why does it take so long to feel this good about oneself? Was there really a time where I found it embarassing and shameful to go eat on my own in a restaurant? Why did it matter so much what other eyes saw of me, when my own insight was all I needed to find peace?

Somethings have remained the same though. I am still in a constant battle with my emotions. Keeping them stabalized is a full time job. But, I feel as if I am growing stronger from the struggle. My heart is still as confused as ever, and I have just learned to take things a day at a time in matters of the heart, because there is no use in freting over and attempting to plan out matters of the heart. It is best to just let be.

Well, I do plan on posting more on this site, and updating it to record this period of my life. As that is what fiction provides is it not? Literature captures the morals, ideas, desires, and thoughts of people in a certain time period. By reading a poem I wrote when I was fourteen, I am able to recapture what it was like to be fourteen, remember more clearly the thoughts in my mind and the wishes I held in my heart. And, re-reading my previous posts, I realize I have even grown since then.

And, with that said, I now say... adieu.